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Hot Gossip!
Ask
MARGARITA or Mario
_______________________________________________________________________________________________
Now that I have your
interest let me ask you. Do you have any burning dance-related questions, comments
or stories to share with us? Just ask our resident nightclub 'know-it-alls'
Mario and Margarita. Margarita and Mario have been teaching dance in Los
Angeles for the past 15 years and... They have heard it all! We have asked them
to give you the male and female perspective on your questions! We can all learn
from each other's experiences. Don't be shy. Come on, just ask Margarita
or Mario! mailto:dancemates@dancemates.org
Our friends, students and web-buddies
ask Mario and Margarita:
It's really
exciting dancing with all the women in dance class. I usually get a little
nervous, so I chat with my partners while dancing. I find I make a lot of
mistakes when I talk and dance with the women at the same time. How can I dance
and find out more about them. I'm trying to get some basic info before the
instructor says "change partners"!
Margarita
says... Now that's a dilemma! Dancing and talking at the same time often causes
mistakes. It's just that the mind likes to concentrate on one thing at a time.
Talking distracts concentration needed to execute the moves. If you know the
moves very well and you can execute them automatically, it's easier to talk and
dance. You may want to chat before or after class to get to know classmates
better.
***
Where is it
better to learn partner dances such as Swing, Salsa and Ballroom dances? Is it
in Dance Studios, Or is it in Colleges and Universities or Is it in the
Nightclubs?
Margarita
says…In my opinion, the Colleges and Universities are best in teaching both
Partner and Solo/Theatric dances “if and only if” you are ready to learn the
structured step-by-step way. If you don’t have the discipline to learn in a
structured manner or you just want to compete and perform or you have been a
dance performer and dance competitor, the Colleges and Universities will frustrate you.
Colleges and
Universities dance instructors are at least bachelor-degreed, technically
trained dance instructors, and have studied or experienced being a teacher or
corporate trainer. The Colleges/Universities administrators closely monitor the
dance instructors’ curriculum or lesson plan. The dance curriculum is also
checked against the standards of other Colleges and Universities around the
world. That means, the techniques, steps, rhythm and styling must be widely
used and accepted around the world to obtain the highest quality standards and
to ensure that you, the dance student, can dance with anyone around the world.
Dance classes in Colleges and Universities are very affordable and offers
the most value.
Dance Studios
ranked next to Colleges/Universities because you will learn mostly from “dance
instructor trainees” which means you will get quality-diluted dance
instruction. Dance instructor turnover is high in a dance studio. Not only
that, the professional dance performers who is supposed to coach and teach the
students are always not available because they are preparing for competitions
and performances all the time.
The curriculum
taught for each dance differs greatly from studio to studio. Which means that
if you first learn from a Dance Studio, it does not mean you can dance with
people from other studios around the world. Not only that, sometimes dance
studios will tie you up to a long-term contract to take such number of private
and group lessons. This can cost hundreds and sometimes thousands of dollars.
You may ask, why hundreds and thousands of dollars? The monies collected
will be used to support and fund the performers and competitors representing
the dance studio (approximately 80%) and the rest for dance studio overhead
expenses.
Nightclubs are
the worst place to learn to dance. Aside from the noise from people who are
socializing, the background music played is high and the dance floor is always
crowded. Because of that, the nightclub is not conducive to any sort of
learning including dance. Also, although the nightclub occasionally package the entrance fee with a dance
instruction and sometimes with a buffet (this makes people thirsty), they
charge too high for the drinks ($4 to $10 per drink). These charges are
understandable though. To keep the culture of the dance alive, they have to
pay for the band, DJ, bartenders/waitresses, security personnel, valet parkers,
ushers, dance hosts/instructors, promoters, owners and nightclub overhead
expenses.
The dance
instructors in the nightclubs may or may not be accomplished dance performers
and most did not learn how to teach properly. Most of the time, these club
dance instructors teach very fast and does not take time to explain the steps,
the lead, the follow, coordination, rhythm of the dance, styling and few
techniques for effective execution. Most of them will teach you how to listen
and feel the music and its beat. LEARNING HOW TO DANCE IS ABOUT MOVEMENTS AND
TECHNIQUES OF EXECUTION NOT A
MUSIC CLASS.
Mario has the
same opinion as Margarita except Mario adds the following: it is too expensive
to learn from a Nightclub. You have to pay for valet parking, alcoholic drinks,
entrance and sometimes baby-sitting if you are a parent. One night spent in a
nightclub is equivalent to taking 6 one-hour lessons in Colleges/Universities
and in the Dance Studios. Mario also adds that if you are aspiring to be a
dance performer/dance competitor as opposed to just learn to dance for fun, it
will be better to go to a well-respected dance studio instructor to learn
exhibition moves. However, that can be an expensive and time-consuming
proposition and does not guarantee a full-time job as a dance performer or
dance competitor.
***
I am a 29 year
old male who wants to enter in the field of dance. I wonder what careers are
available in this field. Is there any money to be made or is it really just
dancing to feel good with no money expectations? Given that I have been
enjoying dancing Modern, Jazz, and International Ballroom and given that I
always admire the performers when I watch theatre plays, do you think I can
realistically switch my current Computer Programmer career to any of the dance
fields?
Mario
says…There are 4 possible careers in dance namely: dance performer, dance
competitor, dance promoter, and dance instructor. In each of this field, there
are set personalities required.
If you crave
for attention from people around you, does not mind rehearsing 3 to 4 hours a
day, open to travel occasionally for auditions and rehearsals, does not need
lots of money, and has the obsession to look good by dieting and exercising on
a daily basis, then, the dance performer field is the best way to go. As of the
year 2001, average gross earnings for a dance performer in the United States of
America is only $1,460 a month. This is not a lot of money but the attention
from people around you is great.
If you always
want to win and hate to lose, then, the dance competitor field is for you.
However, lots of commitment, preparation, and financial risks are involved in
becoming a winner or champion. You must be ready to diet and exercise on a
daily basis, rehearse 3 to 4 hours daily, be willing to travel for
competitions, and most important is the ability to get corporate sponsors to
pay for your entrance fee in competitions, airfare, hotels and costumes.
Getting funding is not easy and most of the competitors I know has to spend
most of their savings just to compete. Most of them are barely paying for their
life’s necessities namely: health insurance, dental insurance,
disability/accident insurance, life insurance (if they have young kids) food,
clothing and rent.
If you have
tons of patience, attention to details, ready to answer questions from the
dance students, methodical, strong charisma, always ‘ready to help’ attitude,
selling & marketing capability, and has the ability to make the class have
a good-time, then the dance instruction field is for you. Travel is not
required unless you need to. You may need to travel if you want to teach not
only in your city but in other cities as well. Another thing, a dance
instructor must be always open to new learning such as learning new dance
movements and new methods in teaching dance. However, not everyone can become a
dance instructor. Most colleges, universities and schools require a teaching
certificate in addition to receiving 200 clock hours of practical and
theoretical dance training. Some dance studios require teaching certificate
nowadays because of competition between dance studios. This is not a problem if
you own your own dance studio, but still, it will be good if you are a
certified teacher or at least a bachelor’s degree holder to gain respect from your
dance students. The average gross earnings of full-time dance instructor in the
United States of America on a monthly basis is $1,876.
If you don’t
want to be in the public’s eye too much, but want lots of money, then, being a
dance promoter is the answer. Being a dance promoter is not easy. You must have
strong selling and marketing ability, be able to handle basic to intermediate
bookkeeping/accounting tasks on an ongoing basis, must have the ability to
research competition & survey prospective customers (spectators and social
dancers) on what they like in a dance event,
must have the patience to look for corporate sponsors & business
partners in organizing dance events on an ongoing basis, trustworthy ( to deliver
the best event for the customers, partners and sponsors and be able to manage employees and
contractors in a dance event. The average after tax and after expenses income
of a full-time dance promoter in United States of America is an annual net
income of $29, 847.
Based on these
information, hopefully, you can make a decision if dancing career is for you.
To be honest with you, you may be better off keeping your Computer Programming
career.
***
In any partner
dances such as waltz, swing, cha-cha, salsa etc. what is the best method of
learning these dances?
Mario
says…First, you must learn the proper steps or footwork that is recognized
around the world so you can dance with anyone. Second, you must learn how to
lead or follow. Again, so you can dance with anyone. Third, you must coordinate
your lead or follow with your footwork along with your partners’. Fourth, ‘Rhythm’ and that is how you match
up the footwork, lead/follow, and coordination with the widely accepted set
beats of a particular partner dance with any partner. Fifth, ‘Styling’ and that
is making your footwork, arm movements, shoulder movements, torso movements,
thigh movements, knee movements and ankle movements look good together.
Therefore, styling is impossible if you don’t even know the proper footwork and
proper lead/follow.
Margarita
agrees with Mario except Margarita added: If you hear fast music shorten your
steps and if you hear slow music, long steps.
***
If you go to
any dance gatherings, How would you know or measure who is a good dancer?
Margarita
says…First, a good dancer executes proper steps/footwork. ‘Proper’ in this
context means widely accepted footwork/steps around the world. Second, a good dancer can learn or follow
anyone who have learned the ‘proper’ steps/footwork. Third, a good dancer has
some sense of ‘rhythm’ (see ‘rhythm’ in the question/inquiry above) and
coordination with anyone whom he/she dance with. Fourth, a good dancer has
‘styling’ that loosens and relaxes his/her total movements (see ‘rhythm’ in the
question/inquiry above).
Margarita says…Mario
and I enjoy dancing with other people! We often join “Jack and Jill” dance
contests which forces us to dance and partner with somebody we’ve never danced
before and prepare for competition in less than 30 minutes. This contest is a
lot of fun and a good personal measure for me. At the end of each night, I make
sure that I dance with 6 different people.
***
Recently I
went to a club and danced with someone I never saw before. I was very irritated
because this person kept correcting me while we were dancing! I'm not an
excellent dancer, but I have been taking lessons and am confident that I look
good on the floor. This really affected my confidence and made me doubt myself
as a dancer. It ruined my evening because I was so mad at this person. Was this
person trying to help me or crush me?
Mario says...
That person was definitely not trying to help you. If you find you are dancing
with a person who criticizes you, don't dance with that person again. It's not
uncommon for a dance partner to show you a new move or share a tip with you.
This is all given in the spirit of being helpful and friendly. Trust your
feelings and intuition. If you dance with someone and their comments make you
feel uncomfortable, mad, or embarrassed - that person has another agenda. I
would not call their comments helpful, but poisonous. The rule of thumb is..
After dancing you should feel uplifted; if you feel troubled - find another
dance partner.
***
I am a woman
in my late 30’s and never been married. I have been dancing in the nightclubs
two to three times a week for the past 12 years. However, I cannot find any guy
who can consistently dance with me and at the same time be a compatible mate
for me. Most of the guys in the club just drink and talk to me but does not
dance. What should I do? I badly need help!
Margarita
says…These are the realities: 1.) Men who dance are a rare commodity. 2.) Men
are at a disadvantage from the very beginning of learning how to dance. 3.) 95%
of the time, you will not find your husband-to-be in a nightclub and 4.) You
don’t always get what you want.
Let me expound the above realities. In my
early years, from grade school and high school, there are very few guys
enrolling in the jazz, modern, ballet and tap dance classes. For every 2 to 3
gals, there is only one guy. This ratio of 1 guy for every 2 to 3 gals
continues until I finished my College education when I’m also learning
Ballroom, Swing and Contemporary Latin Dances from various
Colleges/Universities and Dance Studios. Over the years, I’ve been asking guys
from all walks of life why they want or do not want to participate in dancing.
Most of them told me that their fathers want them to play sports like
basketball, football, track and field, soccer, hockey and baseball. They also
saw their fathers watch or play these sports week in and week out. Of the guys
in the minority who like dancing, they view dancing as a healthy way of
expressing oneself.
The guys who
indeed tried to learn partner dances based from my research get discouraged even from the very
beginning. They told me it is so difficult leading and it seems that they have
to think so much while leading and doing the footwork. It seems that
coordination is also difficult. I empathize with the guys partner dance role in
this respect and they are truly at a disadvantage to begin with. We women just
need at a minimum to learn the footwork and to follow i.e. respond to the man’s
lead.
Experiences of
most of the women that I hang out with over the years found their husbands
mostly through the organizations they belong. That is at least 9 out of every
10 women.
Based from
these realities I expounded to you, here are some of the things that you may
want to consider doing step-by-step to find your dance mate and husband: 1.)
What are your other interests aside from dancing and being in a women’s group?
Where do you hang out for these other interests? These other interests will be
your segue in finding your potential mate. 2.) Invite and bring along a
potential mate that has at least little interest in partner/social dancing to a
few dance classes as a start with an understanding that your potential mate
will not learn overnight. Motivate and encourage him whenever he executes the
exact move that the instructor shows to the class. If he keeps making mistake
in the execution, don’t ever get mad and call him ‘stupid’. Help him learn the
move and be patient with him. Remember, the men has a challenging
responsibility to lead and perform the footwork at the same time. While women
just needs to learn the footwork and respond to the man’s lead as a minimum
requirement. 3.) Motivate him to be more romantic with you by dancing
physically closer to each other. Romance is important for the longevity of a
relationship especially when you want a potential mate to be your husband. 4.)
Understand that the perfect husband is just a fantasy. Also understand that all
relationships needs some maintenance or adjustments from time to time. Since
you enjoy dancing by being in the dance club often, try to be contented with
the potential mate that we developed in the earlier steps to be your dance
partner...
***
I'm not a tall
man, I'm 5'2". Other guys I see dancing look almost the same height or
taller as the woman they are dancing with. Would the women in dance class avoid
dancing with me?
Margarita
says. No! No! No! You are exactly the right height to dance with any woman.
Please men understand this about women. Women love to dance! Attention,
Attencion! Women love to dance! One more time! Women love to dance. Some of the
best dancers are under 5'5" and they always have women who wait in line to
dance with them. It is not your height, it is your dancing ability that
attracts women. If you take time to learn the moves and focus on becoming a
strong lead, in the women's eyes, you will be 10 feet tall. Also, believe me,
she'll be telling all her girlfriends about you.
***
I consider
myself a strong, independent woman. The men I dance with tell me that I always
try to lead them. It's the 90's why do I have to follow the man all the time? I
would rather control the leading, than be so submissive. Help! I'm running out
of guys to dance with!
Mario says...
Hmm, where have I heard this before?!! I'm very glad that you asked this
question because both men and women can benefit from this discussion. First of
all, dancing is a sensitive partnership activity. It takes concentration and
cooperation as one partner gives direction and the other partner moves
accordingly. The lead gives direction, in this case it is the man. This doesn't
mean that he is controlling you or that you are submissive. Relax! It's just
dancing. It doesn't define who you are or imply that you're being dominated.
Here are the generally accepted rules. Rule #1: The man always leads! Let's
repeat that... The man always leads. Rule #2: The lady always stays in
receptive mode and listens to the lead the man is trying express to her. Try to
give up leading the man and you'll have lots of partners to chose from.
***
What should I
do? If I'm at the club and a guy asks me to dance but I don't know if he can
dance. I don't want to be embarrassed if he can't dance, but I don't want to
hurt his feelings by saying 'no' either.
Margarita
says... Many club dwellers watch others dance to see who they would like to
dance with. If you haven't seen him dance yet, why not simply dance with him
anyway. You might be pleasantly surprised and meet a new dance partner.
Otherwise you could politely say you are resting or 'sitting this one out'. A
bit of kindness goes a long way.
***
I see a guy in
the club every week. We always dance together but he never asks me out. I think
he's interested but I'm not sure. How can we start dating?
Margarita and
Mario says...Not so fast! Just because he dances with you, doesn't mean he is
interested romantically. Some men and women simply LOVE TO DANCE. Sometimes a
dancer is married to a non-dancer, so the dancer goes out alone. This doesn't
mean they are available to date. You could ask that person while dancing if
they are married or dating someone. If they say 'no' ask them if they would
like to join you in some other activity than dancing. If they say 'no' you will
have your answer. Mario says some guys will deny they are married or otherwise
committed just to keep the woman in the club as a dance partner.
***
There are
women I enjoy dancing with but they are hard to lead. I feel like they want to
lead or are doing the moves before I lead them. Is there a way I can partner up
with them better?
Mario says...
Yes, a strong lead usually will signal to a woman that you are leading. I know
the men have a complex job leading, but the more direct you are, the more
receptive the woman should be. Mario says to politely tell the woman that you
are trying a new move, so you need her to wait and follow. Also the women you
are dancing with may not have properly learned the moves. If it's too much
trouble, try other dance partners that don't take that much effort to lead.
***
I have been
taking lessons for a while now. I can remember the moves in class, but I forget
them at the club. What's the trick to remembering the moves?
Margarita
says... Dance, dance, dance! Each time you dance, you are forcing your brain
memory and muscle memory to retain the moves. In time the moves get stored in
your muscle memory making the moves automatic. It all takes time. Be patient.
If you are taking several classes, learning several combinations you have more
moves to remember. Select one pattern and practice it repeatedly until you do
it smoothly. Then you can add new material.
***
I want to take
dance lessons with my husband, but he doesn't want to go with me. How can we go
together?
Margarita
says... Men are very concerned with performance and skill, so when trying
something new they can be apprehensive. Ask your husband to enroll with you as
a birthday or Mother's Day gift. Let him know the dance class could be a 'date
night' together. Tell him in return you'll join him in some activity that
really interests him. Big hugs and kisses are very persuasive too!
***
I have been
taking Salsa and Merengue lessons for about 2 years now. I can learn the
combinations but I don't feel I have the right rhythm. How can I learn it?
Margarita and Mario say...
There is the technical and passionate side to Salsa and Merengue dancing. Some
students come with wonderful rhythm, but struggle with learning the moves.
Other students learn the combinations very fast, but their dancing looks more
technical than passionate. Also those who started with Ballroom dance lessons
have a tendency to push off on the ball or toes of their feet, rather than a
flatter foot step. This gives them a rocky or bouncy look. Since you've been
taking lessons for 2 years, you have probably learned lots of moves. Now concentrate
on your rhythm and styling. Consider investing in a few private dance lessons
to correct your rhythm. For a no-cost learning experience, find club dancers
that you admire and spend some time watching them dance. You can also dance
with partners who have the rhythm you want to have. Give yourself time and
practice, don't bounce and you should pick up the rhythm in time.
***
There is a
very attractive woman in my Salsa dance class. How can I get to know her?
Margarita
says... Women in dance class often won't go on dates with male classmates. Just
because a woman is friendly doesn't mean she wants to date. Some women like to
take time to get to know a man before going on a 'date'. This way if they don't
hit it off, they won't feel uncomfortable in dance class together. An
easy-does-it approach is more successful. You DanceMates dance classes go out
every 2 weeks to dance. Ask her to join you and the other classmates to meet at
the club. This way, there is no pressure or expectations on either part. Dance
and socialize with her and others. In terms of romance, it's always better to
be cautious and go slow.
***
Sometimes when
I dance with men at the club, they hold me and it feels uncomfortable. They
hold me by my waist or too tight and close. How can I get them into a hold that
doesn't make me feel uncomfortable?
Margarita says... I'm
guessing they aren't your classmates in dance class. With new dance partners
it's always good to let them know if you are uncomfortable. Another female
dance partner may not object to a tighter hold while you feel he is trying to
'romance' you. If any man puts his hands anywhere you don't like, simply move
his hands where you want them to be. A gentleman will understand and keep his
hands in 'safe territory'. If he returns to that compromising position, tell
him you prefer this position and move his hands again. Remember, if anybody
does anything to insult you, excuse yourself and break-up the dancing. Even if
you don't speak the same language, gesturing is universal.